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5 Steps to Balance Your Shadow with Your Light

As the seasons change and we celebrate the new moon in Libra, it’s time to get clear on how we want to be in our relationships with others, and this starts with the relationship we have with ourselves. Given that the sun entered into Libra the same day the earth found equanimity between daylight and nighttime (the autumnal equinox on September 22nd), this Venus-ruled-cardinal-air-sign shows us how to find balance between opposites. Coincidentally, this new moon also kicks off the Jewish New Year, with Rosh Hashanah. L’shanah tovah to all who celebrate!

With the Libra influence upon us, we have a fantastic opportunity to set intentions for what we desire in our partnerships—romantic and otherwise. Since this particular new moon happens at the first degree of Libra, today is an extra potent time to set our intentions for love, partnership, balance, beauty and harmony.

However, before we jump in with our intentions for what we are longing to conjure in relationship with another, it’s important for us to get clear on how we precisely want to create more harmony and balance within ourselves. Given that the autumnal equinox commences a descent into darkness, it’s time for us to go beneath the surface into our own disowned darkness in order to further claim our light (even though Libras may prefer to keep it buoyant and leave the shadow work to the Scorpios). Since we are moving towards the winter solstice (the darkest night of the year) it’s a fortuitous time to do our own depth work. The more congruency we create between the dark and light within, the easier it’ll be to find harmony in our external world—particularly in our relationships! After all, what we see in the outer world is really a reflection of our inner world.

Our shadow, according to Carl Jung, is anything that remains outside the light of our consciousness—this can be our desirable or less than desirable characteristics—including the parts of us that our ego doesn’t identify with. Interesting enough, often we fail to acknowledge our positive qualities and they can live in our shadow too. Please don’t ignore that we often disown our light!

Since this new moon happens a little less than two weeks before Mercury will go retrograde (the upcoming Mercury retrograde will occur between October 4th- October 25th) I urge you to make the best use of the harmonious energy afforded to us this new moon. The October retrograde cycle includes two eclipses that will activate energies from the turbulent eclipses we experienced last April. While, I don’t think the eclipses will feel anywhere near as tough as April’s, I encourage all of us to bring consciousness to places we may ignore! This current energetic cycle is asking us to see what may have slipped our awareness in the past.

While shadow work isn’t for the faint of heart, the truth is that by doing this work we can achieve the promise of Libra—balance, justice, beauty, style and strong relationships.

Here are five steps to conjure more inner harmony and better relationships this new moon!

1. Look at what triggers you in relationships. Pay close attention to where you feel jealous, angry, resentful or any other challenging emotion. If you aren’t feeling triggered take a look at the qualities you really admire in others. Who do you admire and why? What we love in others are often parts of ourselves that we project onto others. Take a discerning look and see what you can identify.

2. Meet the part of you that’s either triggered or projecting your light onto others. Get to know this part of you. Who is she? One of my teachers calls the disowned aspects of ourselves our secret selves… (yes, we have many!) Give her a name, identity and get really clear on her personality.

3. Find out what she needs. After you’ve identified the part of you that represents the portion of your unconscious that you want to integrate, ask her what she needs. Listen deeply and hear what it is she’s craving.

4. Take action. Once you hear what the disowned aspect of yourself is asking for, take action and offer her exactly what she’s craving. Set an intention that honors her. Write your intentions out affirmatively in the first person. Then read them out loud, allowing them to sink into both your conscious and unconscious!

5. Pay attention to your dreams. Often our dreams show us what our ego is resisting to see. For the next week, sleep with a pen and notebook beside your bed, and write your dreams upon waking up. What’s your unconscious trying to communicate?!

The more we embrace the inner vulnerability required to see ourselves with radical honesty, the quicker we can find true harmony within ourselves and in our relationships with others. I encourage you to go inward with a flashlight and bring the unconscious to the surface. Let this Libra new moon lead you deeper within, and from there move forward towards the relationships and partnerships you desire!

As always, I send you all of my love!

Big hugs,


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