This week Marie TV (created and hosted by the infamous Marie Forleo) spotlighted Danielle Laporte and her Desire Map. Though I haven’t yet purchased or worked with Danielle’s Desire Map, I faithfully completed the Fire Starter Sessions (a massive influence in creating this website, business and blog!) and am really looking forward to digging into her other material. That’s why I wanted to start this post by sending big thanks to Marie and Danielle who have both been great teachers to me.
As you can see in this week’s episode of Marie TV, the Desire Map teaches that knowing your core desired feelings, and having them be the fuel for the direction you take as opposed to goals, is essential to creating a life reflective of how you really want to feel. OH so good, right? Watch Marie + Danielle break it down here!
When I trained to become a coach at Duke University, they taught that in order to make and sustain long term change, you need a compelling vision for both:
- Where you are heading. You want to find something that authentically lights you up and energizes you with a sense of compelling direction.
- Your true, authentic values. The more you understand the connection between your values and your vision, the more likely you are to stay consistent with the actions needed to create your intended outcome.
In the end, a big piece of what Duke’s behavior change coaching model aimed to teach was somewhat similar to what I believe Danielle shares in her Desire Map: how to really understand your values and create a life that is reflective of those essential components. (Again, I haven’t dug into Danielle’s material yet, so this is a guess based on what I learned from Marie’s interview.)
My Success Coaching certification from Robert Holden taught me that in order for people to really achieve “authentic success,” they must first define what success really means for their life. Unless you have a clear definition, how will you ever know when you achieve success for yourself?
What does success mean to you?
According to Holden, self-knowledge is the primary key to success. It’s important you learn to step away from what Eric Fromm calls, the “commercial personality” and into what Holden refers to as the authentic or unconditioned self. That’s the part of you that is whole and holy, abundant, healed, happy and radiantly healthy, which is distinctly different from the personality/ego.
The common thread amongst my three major influences (Danielle LaPorte, Duke Integrative Medicine and Robert Holden) is that success worth achieving underscores a process of becoming not only who you really want to be … but who you actually are. Success is not about aligning with superficial goals or sacrificing essential desires to get “there.” Rather it’s a softening into a process of discovery and making choices that are reflective of values instead of outcomes.
“Success is not about driving yourself harder… it’s about letting go of what blocks you from being more of who you are right now.”
– Robert Holden
When we find ourselves pushing harder, and constantly in struggle to get what we want it’s generally because we are not present to our authentic self.
Hear are 3 questions you can ask yourself to clear the blocks from being really present and gain a greater sense of effortlessness in your life:
- Are you trusting? On a very basic level, can you nurture and love yourself exactly as you are? Can you witness and feel pain without needing to fix it? This requires you to be in touch with your emotions and your capacity to feel, and honoring what you discover within yourself. It’s about listening both for and to your intuition.
- Are you present in your body? Presence requires a healthy relationship with your mind and body. When you are authentically present you have the ability to discern right actions and communicate effectively. The cultivation of mental presence and focus, as well as having fluidity of thought and ideas to move you forward, are important. So, too is the cultivation of body. Make sure to aim for embodied presence as well.
- What values do you stand for? What are the key underlying influences you want your life to represent both for the long term and in the present moment? To discover your values, take a lead from Danielle LaPorte, and ask yourself her genius question: How do you want to feel?
Instead of living in a mode of “getting, doing, becoming,” try sitting with the simplicity of just being. As you are able to be fully present, you’ll gain better access to your full sense of intelligence and access your peak performance ranges. That way you enhance your results as well as your experience of doing what it takes to achieve them.
Remember: success means knowing who you REALLY, REALLY are … and embodying your truth with all of your glory.
What are your thoughts on success, values, and desired feelings? I’d love to hear from you; please feel free to leave a comment below.
As always, I send you my love.